171 - How to Cope with Anxiety

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a young gal who wasseeking advice on “How to cope with anxiety.”  And I thought my answer might be beneficial for you too. In this episode, I’m going to share her message and my response. Bear in mind that I changed her identity for privacy.Hi, I’m writing to you because I’m seeking advice on how to cope with anxiety.My name is Paprika, I’m in my 30s, married with a 9-year-old daughter, and I feel stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. I’m not happy with my life as it seems that no matter what I do, it’s never right. I’m super anxious when I’m at work, especially around my boss, who owns the company. Every time I see him, I dread he’s going to fire me.The other day, I made a mistake and invoiced the wrong amount to a client, and my boss yielded to me in front of everybody else.  I was so embarrassed.  He said: “For the price I pay you, that’s all you do make mistakes! I’m starting to wonder why you are on my payroll.”  The thing is, my boss is known to flare up at the slightest bad news. I’m not singled out in his treatment; he talks to everyone else the same way, but I don’t like how I feel when it happens.  The morale is low; everybody walks on eggshells.  The work in itself is OK, and I get along fine with my co-workers.  But it seems the more I dread, the more mistakes I make.  Please don’t tell me to quit my job because I need the money to pay my bills.  When I come home, I feel so tired, which makes me clumsy and forgetful. Again, my spouse yells at me every time I make a mistake.  They are silly mistakes, like the other day, I forgot to pay one bill on time. Another time, I burned the dinner by accident.  Whenever my spouse finds out, I made a mistake, he screams and calls me names, which I don’t like when he does that, especially in front of our daughter.The thing is that he is right; I’m forgetful and don’t pay attention.  For the life of me, I seem not to know how to do anything right anymore.Last night, I lay awake in my bed, and I started questioning my own existence.  I realized that Idon’t like myself. I’m overweight, constantly tired, and absolutely unhappy.  My anxiety is stopping me from doing anything fun. I don’t go anywhere except to work and do the groceries. I’m now wondering, am I on this earth to be yelled at left and right?  I know you talk a lot about choices in your podcasts, but I wonder, what choices do I have?  To leave my job and my spouse?  We are already struggling financially as a couple, so the idea of being on my own frightens me to no end. The one thing that keeps me going is my daughter.  Any insights that can help me cope with the situation I’m in would be greatlyappreciated.  Thank you!_________________Dear Paprika,First, I want to commend you for acknowledging that something is not right in your life. It’s easy to pretend all is well.  The fact that you are reaching out for support is a huge step towards taking responsibility for your own happiness.  I congratulate you on that!There are many things you can do to shift the energy around without leaving your job and your spouse. Now, before I go into the detail, only you can tell if your spouse’s shortcomings are caused by his own stress, which sometimes happens when money is tight. Or is he crossing the line and fall into the mental abuse category?  If you are dealing with spousal abuse, I will encourage you to seek further help as this is not my arena of expertise.When reading your letter, the first thing that comes to mind is that what’s happening at home and work are linked to the same root cause.  I would invite you to readjust your healthy boundaries.  Sometimes we are taught to be tolerant with others until it...