95: Bullying: why it happens and what to do about it

From a former bully and someone who’s been bullied, Neil and I both share our experiences with bullying in today’s podcast. We talk about why Neil was a bully as a kid, and what he’s done to try to make it right.  We also share tips from professionals on how to help your child to NOT be a bully, and what to do if they are being bullied. Finally, I share a personal story of when I was bullied in middle school, how that has affected me, and what I’ve tried to do to make that a learning experience. As you’re listening to this episode, hopefully, you can think back on those times you were treated unkindly and maybe times you’ve treated others unkindly. Let this serve as a gentle knock on your door to remind you to do better where you can, to teach by example, and to make amends, whether directly or indirectly, so true healing can happen.   In this episode, you will hear: How the 12 steps apply to bullying Step 4 - doing an inventory of the wrongs you've committed against others and the exact nature of your wrongs How most of your core beliefs - why you believe what you believe about yourself and the world around you - are shaped by your childhood experiences Faulty core beliefs cause problems later in life including depression, addiction, or malady. What do you do about knowing that you may have caused some trauma to someone? How do you make that right? Step 9 - prepare yourself to make direct amends with someone, and if for some reason that's not possible, make indirect amends The powerful healing experience of making amends Why bullies bully - the link between “coolness” and aggression Ways to prevent bullying behavior in your kids (and it starts at home through teaching by example) How these issues stem from seeking validation Humility is one of the hardest things. Bullies have a lot going on at home (ex. anger, grief, etc.) What to do if your child is being bullied Learning from the bullying experience instead of choosing a victim mentality   Supporting Resources: “The Worth of Souls and the Problem of Bullying” by Jonathan Cox https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2015/10/the-worth-of-souls-and-the-problem-of-bullying?lang=eng   “Knowing Why Bullies Bully is Key to Stopping the Trend” by Michael Friedman PhD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brick-brick/201405/knowing-why-bullies-bully-is-key-stopping-the-trend   Subscribe and Review Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.   Episode Credits Produced by Emerald City Productions