EP19: Sil Reynolds on Mothering and Daughtering “Better” (Not Easier) with More Connection and Support in the Digital Age

EP18: Sil Reynolds on Mothering and Daughtering “Better” (Not Easier) with More Connection and Support You are really in for a huge treat in meeting Sil Reynolds. She and I have connected intermittently over the years. Although our contacts have been brief, she has given me gems that have stuck with me over time. At a time when I felt deeply insecure about mothering and especially single mothering, she told me, a child needs ONE person to securely attach to. And she is a person you listen to and trust when she speaks. She is a wise elder, a former women’s health nurse practitioner, a coach and teacher of women and mothers and an author, together with her stellar daughter, Eliza Reynolds, of the book Mothering and Daughtering. What Sil Shares: Why it’s our job to stay at the center of our daughter’s world How mothering and daughtering can get better (not easier) during the teen years - meaning more connected, deeper, and closer. And how conflict is an opportunity for deeper connection. Her choice to mother more consciously than her mother and the process of “growing up,” confronting undernourished places internally Her thoughts on rites of passage, attachment, dependence, and interdependence The Feminine rising in men and women = we need each other The wisdom of slowing down, connecting with other women, and creating creative containers Perspectives on mothering today. Is it really harder? How we deal with raising kids in a digital age What You’ll Hear: On becoming the mother of a daughter (6:23) As a mother, it’s our job to stay at the center of our daughter’s world and not believe peers will be a better influence (7:20) It can get better in the teen years. Better doesn’t necessarily mean it feels better…(8:12) Sil on “growing up” as a mother and finding mentors and guides (9:18) Life and death cycles and rites of passage (10:58) The story of Vasilisa: An old way of relating as a mother and daughter is dying and a new way is being born (13:04) Mothering is raising your daughter to become herself (14:15) Attachment objects; vulnerable attachment requests at any age (15:35) What kind of rituals can we provide to honor rites of passage today? (17:42) On mothering and daughtering, interdependence, and attachment (20:04) Describe Feminism (with a capital F) (21:19) Feminine rising in men and women says, “Bring it on need!” (24:00) When the tears come in the circle, there’s the oracle. Let your feelings catch up with you. (26:31) Sil sharing Marion Woodman’s quote (27:29) The antidote to so many things these days is slowing down, curing the “too much, too fast, too soon” to reveal a whole other level of understanding (28:33) Is mothering harder today than it ever was? (30:02) Motherhood is exhausting because we don’t get enough help. We don’t have the natural supports we’ve always had (31:38) Don’t miss this quote! (32:40) Attachment parenting doesn’t stop in adolescence. We need to be just as involved in a different way (34:04) Examples of missing containers in our culture: sisterhood, mothering circles, etc. (34:57) On “rupture and repair” and why conflict and communication are important (38:14) How do we deal with technology and mothering? (40:25) Perspectives on raising children in a digital age through the attachment lens (42:36) On setting limits with children (47:30) Attachment doesn’t replace limits (48:02) When you’re in right relationship with your child, there’s a natural hierarchy (48:18) “If you have your child’s heart, no discipline is necessary” (48:50) About Mothering and Daughtering mothering courses and upcoming events (49:04) https://motheringanddaughtering.com Video Blog on Tech Boundaries with Deborah McNamara: https://motheringanddaughtering.com/setting-real-tech-boundaries-kid/ Hold onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neuf, Ph.D. and Gabor Mate, MD https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/120863/hold-on-to-your-kids-by-gordon-neufeld-phd-and-gabor-mate-md/9780307361967/